Dedications
by katdvs
Summary: Blair discovers the dedications in Dan's books.
Over the years they were never alone together for more than a few seconds. Chuck and Serena were never far, and most of the time spent together was at one of many charity parties that filled their schedules.

She never read his books, and he never expected her to even if they sat at eye level in her office as a tempting idea, a promise of hope she could never verbalize, never allow herself to even think about.

One night when she couldn't fall asleep and Chuck wasn't home she could still feel how the bed felt empty. Each night the distance between them grew, how much longer would she be able to pretend, not only to herself but everyone around her?

She found herself in her office, drawn to the row of _his_ books, her fingers tracing the titles before selecting the most recent release; _Manhattan Princess_. Dan's sketchy, shaky signature graced the title page, her fingers tracing it, thinking of what he might have wanted to say but didn't dare to do so.

 _For the real life princess, who will always be a queen to me.  
xoxo_

Her heart skipped when she saw the dedication as she sank into the reading chair. She read it over and over again, knowing he couldn't mean his wife. Turning the pages she found herself getting sucked into the story of Belinda, a young woman from the Upper East Side attempting to navigate what was expected of her, and what she eventually found she wanted when Devin, a filmmaker from Brooklyn entered her life.

The sun was rising as she finished the book, her heart filled with surprise as she slipped it back on the shelf. She met her son for breakfast, and as soon as he was gone, she'd dressed for the day she was back in her office pulling another one of his books off the shelf, _Steps of the Met_ ; the story of a young man who attends a prestigious prep school and longs to be noticed by the prep school girls eating lunch each day on the steps.

When it came time for lunch she announced she was going out as she grabbed her phone and purse; filling it with all of his books, searching the text messages Serena had sent her lately. She was off in the Hamptons, and Dan he would be in Brooklyn since it was the only place where he could really write.

When she got in the town car she started to flip through the pages, reading the dedications. Not a single one of them was to his own wife. All his leading female characters was her in one way or another, the males were all him. Did he even know what he was doing? Had no one called him on this in all these years?

Her heart was in her throat when she found herself outside the loft door. When was the last time she was here? She couldn't even remember. Her fist wrapped on the door and she could feel her toes twitch in her Manolo suede pumps.

The door swung open, he wore jeans that had probably been in his wardrobe since high school, a gray v-neck t-shirt that was probably just as old. His curls falling over his eyes, which she was sure brightened the moment he saw her. "What did I do to get an unannounced visit from Mrs. Bass?"

Her stomach twisted and she could feel the bile rise in the back of her throat knowing that she could hear the contempt in his voice over her married name. "I couldn't sleep last night, and I found myself looking at my bookshelf."

He could feel the color drain from his face, she couldn't have, she wouldn't have it was an unspoken agreement between them. He busied himself with the coffeemaker, "Coffee?"

"No thank you." She started to unpack the books on the counter.

When he turned around, seeing his books lined up on the counter brought a chill through him, causing his fingers to hug he mug. "What's this?"

"You know very well what this is; it's your fantasy over and over again about us. Each and everyone one of these books is about you falling in love with me." She pointed to them, "From _Inside_ to _Manhattan Princess_. Your main character is me time and again. How does your wife feel about that?"

He scoffed, "My wife would have to read them to notice. Hell you didn't read them until what this morning?"

"I was up all night reading _Manhattan Princess_ ," she picked the book up, "I told myself I would never get lost in your books again, I would never allow your prose to be the key to unlock a part of myself."

He looked at her over the steam of his coffee as he took a warming sip as an excuse not to speak yet, "Did my prose unlock a part of you?"

"You know it did." She slammed the book on the counter; stunned that Dan hadn't jumped from the sound.

He placed his coffee mug down, folding his arms over his chest as he watched her. He bit the insides of his cheeks to keep from smiling. "Have you finally realized that you made a mistake choosing Chuck all those years ago?"

"Says the man who married Serena when he's clearly in love with someone else, your dedications says as much over and over again." She opened one of them, storming towards him as she shoved it in his face.

He watched her body buzz with energy, "Well, I suppose you're right. What do you propose I do about it Blair? What are _you_ going to do about it?"

She took a step back, wondering what her plan had been. What had she anticipated would happen, that he would tell her she was being silly, reading into things because her bed was empty. "I don't actually know."

"I'm not going to deny it Blair that would be a lie." He could see her eyes searching his for an answer, "Do you realize how heartbroken I was when you picked Chuck over me?"

"But you went back to Serena."

"It's easy with her as long as I let her be whoever she thinks she is this week or next. As long as she allows me the space to write, and she never asks a damn thing about it." He could see the puzzle pieces start to form in her eyes.

"It's paper, it's a contract. She gets the love story to tout that young girls think is so romantic, and you, what do you get out of it?"

"A reason to be near you."

"What?" her mouth hung slightly open, her eyes wide as her hand covered her heart.

"The idea of not having you in my life was too bleak, I figured if I could see you once in a while, even if just across the room I could survive."

Blair reached up, brushing the curls from his eyes, "Those small moments have been everything to me, so much so I couldn't admit it, not even to myself."

Dan caught his breath in his chest when he felt the tips of her fingers explore the lines of his face. He reached up and removed the headband she wore, tossing it on the counter. His fingers deep in her chestnut waves as his lips fell upon hers for the first time in far too long.

The knots in her stomach disappeared the moment she felt him touch her, her body relaxed the moment he kissed her, she hadn't even realized how stiff she'd been. Electrified, invigorated, those were the only words she could use to describe how she felt besides happy.

"What happens now?" Her face nuzzled against his chest, breathing in his scent of ivory soap.

He kissed the top of her head, "I'm not sure, but we'll figure it out. We always do."

The sound of his heartbeat, the feel of his arms around her, she knew he was right. They would figure it out; no one was a better team.


End file.
